I like Chicago. It's funny, I wrote a good chunk of one chapter of my dissertation at the Swisshotel up the street--sitting at a hotel desk just like I am now.
I find hotels depressing. I always say out loud when I enter a hotel room alone on conference travel: "oh look, a hotel room." I've done that for years and years. Hotels make me feel lonely--especially when I am missing 4 soccer games!
This is the humming songI'm also writing on mom's laptop--left mine at home so Kath can study. It's sad to see all the stuff she had set up here. She loved getting online. Her browser still has the customization with cats. Even the "waiting" animation on this laptop has a cat playing with a ball as a page loads. I don't usually listen to music on laptops, but I am listening to my mix of the Gorky's. You can listen to it, too:
You sing it when you're on your own
Conferences also depress me. Man, it sounds like I am some kind of gloomy gus, but it's true. When I get my name tag at a conference, I can see it hanging on my office doorknob 2 years on. I think of nametags past, nametags future. I think of the hundreds of nametags just like mine at this conference, last year's conference, the un-related conferences in the same building directly before and after this one. I think about how meaningful the information is to me--this is genuine. I learn things I will use, things I am genuinely excited to learn. But then I reflect on all the other people doing this, the ongoing nature of it, and how meaningless it all is in the grand scheme of things. Then I go back to my room and try to go to sleep.
I remember my first conference. I was 23 and it was a paper on Chaucer. I still remember the title: "Antifeminist Lyrics and The Nun's Preist's Tale." I had found some anonymous lyric poetry from the middle ages that shared some thematic content with one of Chaucer's Cantebury Tales. All of these passages were diatribes against women--very common in Middle English poetry. It was a nice paper. I was so nervous. I drove down to Indiana and stayed in a hotel. I gave my first conference talk and answered questions. It felt really nice. But the travel aspect, the hotel room, all of that still bummed me out powerfully.
So here I am at the conference center on Wacker Dr. missing my family--my kids and their soccer games and their new puppy. This is the second conference in a couple of weeks. And next week I have to travel down to NC to sort through Mom's stuff.
It's a good thing I like my job so much. I think about how lucky I am--so many people have lost jobs. I work at a great place, and my scenery has always changed. I feel like I make a contribution, the work is interesting, and I'm on a team with good people. How many people can say that? It's cool, because I kind of screwed up at work today, and even that wasn't much of a big deal. A big deal in my head, I suppose, but it quickly died down.
It would really suck to dislike your job. That's something I've only had to deal with a couple of times, and I have to go back to crappy jobs during college.
Listening to this great Gorky's mix! I love this thing. The lyrics that are playing now:
Let Those Blue SkiesAnd I wonder why I write this blog. Nothing here matters much. That's what it's about, really. But it comes up. A pal mentioned my post about Five Guys. Stupid things. I guess writing is just a way for me to feel better about stuff, to process the meaningless stuff that floats through my brain. So much of what I do during the day is so purposeful and deliberate. This is like the back page of my high school notebook. It's not much different. Draw the logo of your favorite bands. Make a list of stuff you might like to buy. Ask some ill-formed questions about the meaning of life. Jot down your thoughts about how the world works. Then throw it away.
Gorky's Zygotic Mynci
Let those blue skies roll some more
Let her heart sink no more
Let the girl dance till the dawn
Coz I know her from before
Some people laughing
Can't help from crying
But I'm through with walking
In the wind and the rain
Let the friends come to my door
May they never be alone
Let our love dance through the dawn
Coz I know her from before
Some people laughing
Can't help from crying
But I'm through with walking
In the wind and the rain
So there you can see what I see. My Mom's customized Firefox; little cats, Nascar, Bank of America, Blue Cross/Blue Shield, local weather in Avon, NC. Currently there is a severe weather alert for Avon. But right now it's clear and 51 degrees. I've got to get away from this laptop.
3 comments:
Hey Steve, aren't you there with a co-worker? At least you don't have to eat alone. Speaking of which, Gold Coast Dogs and Hot Diggity Dog are pretty close to you I think. I haven't been to either of those yet, so check one out and let me know how it is. :)
^Walk up State Street toward Lincoln Park and you'll hit a GC Dog stand. But avoid "the works" - you really don't need tomatoes, cukes, and green peppers on a *hot dog*. :)
As for conferences: I remember my first ever -- grad school, MA program, Children's Lit in San Diego, and I was so dirt poor that the co-pay on air fare/hotel (uni paid for about 60%) left me with about $17 to stretch over three days for meals. I skipped breakfast and dinner, had soup for lunch, and bought my daughter two new titles from the booksellers' display. San Diego in February, sunny and warm, and I had no means to get anywhere outside the hotel. Talk about lonely.... But "what don't kill ya, make ya more strong," as Metallica would say. :)
My first conference was the Mid-American Conference on history in 2002 in Fayetteville, AR. Paper was some aspect of the 50s saucer contactee movement My dad and I went down together because no one thought I should drive my car from Indy to Arkansas. We had a great time--except when his car broke down and we spent three long days in a Super 8 in West Plains, MO. Good times, and one of the best times I've spent with my Dad.
Post a Comment